Momentary pause

I'm pregnant. AGAIN! So my quest to be a skinny girl is being put on hold. I plan to eat healthy since I don't want to have even more weight to lose. I will continue to workout just ease up a little. So my blog is being put on hold while I wait to hatch this egg.

Nice!

I LOST WEIGHT!!!! Oh man is that awesome! I'm down to 196. Sweet!!!! I love it I love it I LOVE IT!!! It's probably because it's hotter then hell down here. I don't care what it is I'll take it. That scary number of 200 is starting to get farther away. Come on Meggie keep on going! Look out Atomic Cheesecake photoshoot. Here I come! Thirty will never have looked so good!

Onwards and Upwards Homes!!!

Day two...

So, yesterday went actually well. I stuck to my plan. I drank all my water, ate everything I was supposed too and nothing I wasn't. I also went to the gym and worked out for about an hour. It felt really good to be getting all sweaty again.

Had my SB breakfast this morning and am supposed to have my mid morning snack but I think I will wait because I'm not hungry.

Well back to my cleaning. My house exploded again. I don't know what it is about when my husband is home but the house sure gets messy!!!! ARGH!

Onwards and Upwards.

Day one...again.

So I have started my day one of South Beach. I have everything ready to go. I'm looking forward to eating healthy.

The thing I love about this diet is it forces me to cook. I have a LOT of really really nice kitchen stuff. My Father in Law even commented on how I have a lot nicer stuff then most people who have been married for 15 years. Thanks in part to getting married and having very generous parents.

I love cooking because my husband likes the way I cook and always makes me feel really good about it. He blames me for fattening him up! Ha! It's really nice to have him smile and say "It's nice to have a home cooked meal." It just makes me feel like a better wife. My Mother was right. The quickest way to a mans heart...Hey I never cooked for any other guys I dated. So I guess you could say "He liked it so much he put a ring on it."

So I'm going back to the gym today. I still have a goal. Just because I didn't get cast in "Chicago" doesn't mean I'm going to role over and die. Oh No! Just the opposite. I'm going to get healthy because I don't want to be a poor role model for Lex. Also my 30th birthday is coming up and I want to do a pin up photoshoot for it. So I would like to lose 10 lbs a month. So I would be down 30lbs. Not as thin as I would like to be but then again the girls on the nose of the plan weren't stick figures! Okay so I'm going back to my coffee with splenda and milk (I usually drink it with vanilla creamer) and my vegetable quiche.

ONWARDS AND UPWARDS!

Well crap.

I didn't get cast.

Just give me a cupcake.

So here I am. Still fat. Not taking any steps to change it. Well that's not true....I've been saying out loud that I need to go back to the gym.

Chicago auditions came and went. Somehow I managed to lose 5lbs. Not the 15-20 that I wanted. But I will take it nonetheless. I was amazing at the singing audition. I mean it I nailed it. I always knew I could sing I just didn't realize how powerful I am especially when it's for a show I really want to be in. I was fortunate enough to get a callback about a week later. The ACTUAL callback wasn't for close to two months.

I drove myself nuts thinking about it and sweating about it. I knew what was next. DANCE. Uh oh.

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Meggie. And all Meggie ever wanted to be was an actress on Broadway. So the little girl Meggie took dance classes and was actually a really good dancer. She even had a solo in the Nutcracker as the Flower Princess. She got to wear a tiara and everything. Only further evidence that she was indeed a Princess bishes!!!! Well Meggie grew up. It wasn't cool to wear black leotards and toe shoes. All that's left as evidence are some scars from some pretty nasty blisters. Plus she was living on a beautiful island but couldn't advance her dancing. I COULDA BEEN SOMEBODY!!!! Kidding!

Well since it had been 14 years since this fat girl was in dance class I had two months to sweat the dance portion of the audition. I kept telling myself "You know Fosse. You can do this. It's all in the attitude. Remember quiet restraint quiet restraint quiet restraint." Then reality would sit in. I'm going up against actual dancers. Girls that never stopped dancing. Gulp and an occasional urge to vomit. Constant self doubt and what are you thinking!!! But the day finally came. On my sons first birthday!!!!

So I show up. There were a lot of new faces. A lot younger then me. And very little clothing. So pretty much I was at an underwear party and didn't get the memo. Yep there I am all 198lbs of me...standing next to girls that I easily outweigh by a good 90 lbs. Yeah I'm not exaggerating. At least I had good make up.

I was shaking because I'm ADD and having to learn stuff quickly doesn't bode well. Luckily there were two other women there who were in the same boat as me. We can sing and we can act but the dancing...meh.

So we are shown the steps. And I'll be damned! I was keeping up! Granted it wasn't hard but it was like everything came back to me. I was no where near the best. But I held my own and I know I danced better then others.

Then I was cut.

Now supposedly the people that were asked to stay were being read for roles. Whatever...I don't know what to think. I'm hoping and wishing and praying that I got ensemble.

Or else. That's it for me. My days of theater are over. If I don't get cast this just may be the door that closes for good.

The wait continues...

Well it's a start

So I joined a gym. AND I've actually been going. I've done Zumba but mainly I've been focusing on the lifting weight portion. I had no idea that you burn more fat and calories when you do 30 mins of cardio and then 30 mins of lifting.

I find myself wanting to work out longer. For instance on Sunday I went to the gym and we were meeting my parents to go to the movies. It was 3:30 and they would be there around 4. I was bummed I had to stop. I felt so good!

At first I wasn't sure how I would feel about joining this particular gym because the front it is all windows. As a matter of fact one of the weight is right next a window and people at the stoplight just stare right in. Aside from that I love it! Plus it's one of the less expensive gyms around!

Tomorrow I am going to try and motivate myself to get up before David goes to work. We'll see! As always...

Onwards and upwards.

On your mark...

So after many posts about saying "I'm going to start..." I've joined a gym. So has my wonderful hubby! He went this morning and he feels great. Tonight I am taking my first Zumba class. I hope I don't pass out.

My brother is my motivation. While he is type 1 diabetic, I still have to be careful. I still can get type 2 or the one you get for being fat. While I know my blood sugar and blood pressure are always good, I can't bank on that forever. I'm 205 lbs. That is a scary number. A number in which I never wanted to see. I think I always told myself as long as I don't get to 200 I'm okay. Well that's not true. Even when I hovered and danced around it at 198 I still was as unhealthy as I am now. 7 lbs. That's nothing.

I'm not going to slam myself and call myself a fat pig. I'm making the change. I'm not even going to look at pictures of me when I hit my goal and think about that girl I used to be. I'm moving on. In some sort of weird logic I think that if I keep looking at the past perhaps that will eventually end up being my future. Confusing? Yes...let me explain.

People keep pictures and clothes from when they were their heaviest. As a reminder of what not to let themselves get back to. More often then not, unfortunately they don't stay at their ideal goal. Why? I truly think that somehow if you keep the clothes and focus on those pictures it's almost an unconscious invitation for failure.

So, yes I'm fat. Now I am. Later on I won't be. To beat yourself up and always live in fear is not a life you should live. I don't want that. I don't want my child to see me either eating myself to death or living in fear that I will go back to being fat. For most of my life I have either spent it berating myself for being fat, made fun of for being fat and for a brief period of time terrified I would go back to being fat. WHATEVER! Screw that...I want to LIVE. No more shame no more fear. NO MORE!!!

I've given up fast food for Lent. I am interested to see how that goes. I'm really going to have to make the effort to fix myself a snack (healthy) before going to the store.

Most importantly as I stated above I'm doing this for my brother. Diabetes is a real bitch. Excuse my language. Not to get into it since it's my brother's personal affairs. Should the time come and it very well may, that he needs a kidney I hope to be able to give it to him. It's just what family does. But how the hell would I be able to do that if I am 75 lbs overweight? So I have no other choice. This isn't a vanity issue. It started out as being that way but now it's taken on a different direction. So there you go. That's it in a nutshell. Time to really get started on living a healthy lifestyle. As always...

Onwards and upwards.

Hello

Yep finally got off the couch and started doing instead of saying. If you haven't had a chance to check it out there is a Bollywood workout of Fitv and IT"S AWESOME!!!! I like everyone else out there love dancing instead of working out. So I did that. I'm trying to be better about my eating. Making quinoa instead of potatoes or pastaroni. I also made my self a turkey pita with baby greens and sprouts. Mustard of course. Dinner tonight will be cayenne rubbed chicken with an avocado salsa. I'm also thinking about this for a side and a nice salad. So there ya go. That's what I've done so far today. How are you doin?

Onwards and upwards.

Blizzard.

This blizzard is not helping me. I keep eating. I know I'm eating out of boredom but I can't stop. Somebody help me!!!

Phew....

So after much slacking I finally got back on the treadmill this morning. I'm going to ease myself in this week by walking at a fast pace with an incline of at least four. So I guess it was a blessing that the tv woke me up at like 5 am. I cleaned the dishes and got on the treadmill. I do know that I will be taking a morning nap with my little Alexander.

Tomorrow I am finally going to go to the store (Yay payday!) I'm going to get more fish and chicken and fruits and veggies and less red meat and bad food. I'm going to give the old quinoa a try. So I'm off for ideas of how to prepare it and brown rice so David doesn't get bored.

Six months until Lex turns 1. While that is a lot of time...it isn't. However, I'm not going to lose sight of my goal. I don't care if the race is over. I WILL FINISH! I also expect to sleep the entire next day.

Onwards and upwards!