Just give me a cupcake.

So here I am. Still fat. Not taking any steps to change it. Well that's not true....I've been saying out loud that I need to go back to the gym.

Chicago auditions came and went. Somehow I managed to lose 5lbs. Not the 15-20 that I wanted. But I will take it nonetheless. I was amazing at the singing audition. I mean it I nailed it. I always knew I could sing I just didn't realize how powerful I am especially when it's for a show I really want to be in. I was fortunate enough to get a callback about a week later. The ACTUAL callback wasn't for close to two months.

I drove myself nuts thinking about it and sweating about it. I knew what was next. DANCE. Uh oh.

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Meggie. And all Meggie ever wanted to be was an actress on Broadway. So the little girl Meggie took dance classes and was actually a really good dancer. She even had a solo in the Nutcracker as the Flower Princess. She got to wear a tiara and everything. Only further evidence that she was indeed a Princess bishes!!!! Well Meggie grew up. It wasn't cool to wear black leotards and toe shoes. All that's left as evidence are some scars from some pretty nasty blisters. Plus she was living on a beautiful island but couldn't advance her dancing. I COULDA BEEN SOMEBODY!!!! Kidding!

Well since it had been 14 years since this fat girl was in dance class I had two months to sweat the dance portion of the audition. I kept telling myself "You know Fosse. You can do this. It's all in the attitude. Remember quiet restraint quiet restraint quiet restraint." Then reality would sit in. I'm going up against actual dancers. Girls that never stopped dancing. Gulp and an occasional urge to vomit. Constant self doubt and what are you thinking!!! But the day finally came. On my sons first birthday!!!!

So I show up. There were a lot of new faces. A lot younger then me. And very little clothing. So pretty much I was at an underwear party and didn't get the memo. Yep there I am all 198lbs of me...standing next to girls that I easily outweigh by a good 90 lbs. Yeah I'm not exaggerating. At least I had good make up.

I was shaking because I'm ADD and having to learn stuff quickly doesn't bode well. Luckily there were two other women there who were in the same boat as me. We can sing and we can act but the dancing...meh.

So we are shown the steps. And I'll be damned! I was keeping up! Granted it wasn't hard but it was like everything came back to me. I was no where near the best. But I held my own and I know I danced better then others.

Then I was cut.

Now supposedly the people that were asked to stay were being read for roles. Whatever...I don't know what to think. I'm hoping and wishing and praying that I got ensemble.

Or else. That's it for me. My days of theater are over. If I don't get cast this just may be the door that closes for good.

The wait continues...